God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

* I started out with nothing, I still have most of it. 
* My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.
* I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 
* Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
* All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair. 
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
* Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
* I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few ...
* Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat  cause kids.
* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
* Only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
* If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my  knees.
* When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
* It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


Source:  Unknown